Prospect of Separation tweak

[collwen]

Ok, so Marnen started up Blackmore's Night rehearsals this week, getting ready for his tour in Europe. It's more cost effective to find friends to stay with down there. So with the rest of his scheduled rehearsals and classes, we now have to have a more traditional medium distance relationship- seeing each other on the weekends.

I've been lucky with how much time we've been able to spend together. I know it's spoiled me, making me so used to his presense that it'll be harder to be without it.

Gods, I'm going insane and it's just a couple of days I might not hear his voice, much less feel his touch. I can't call him from work like I've been doing, since he's not at home. It's been so wonderful to be able to call him when he's not quite awake (or I wake him up, but he doesn't seem to mind). He can get just so hot and sweet when he's just woken up (ok, so that doesn't change during the rest of the day, but there's something about when he's just woken up...). And I can't do that now.

I have this weekend and next weekend. Perhaps part of the weekend after that, but that is when he's going to be doing a gig and packing for the trip, so I'm not sure I'll see him.

So, about 4 days total in the next 19.

He'll be gone a month and we'll be lucky if we speak to each other once or twice in that time. We'll be lucky if he has consistant email access.

I have to get used to it though... and despite how much I am proud of him and this opprotunity, how much I know he needs it and enjoys it, how much I know he'll love being in Europe, a part of me doesn't want him to go. Its selfish and I won't give it any credit.

If anything, I wish I could take the day off to see him off on the plane, and I can't afford it.

Also, I'm beginning to tweak over how much I miss him, and feel empty without him... I wanted to be independent and strong. damn it, it feels like there's a gaping hole in me that only promises to get bigger when he's gone.


There's more, but it all jumbles up to make me a wreck.